Fresh Blood from a stone

Let us tell you, watching this year’s new batch of Fresh Blood has been a real slog. And it seems you agree.

One of several private messages we received about our Fresh Blood blogs came from someone who was actually in a Fresh Blood show. Here’s what they had to say:

I’m on [REDACTED] and fuck is it another rough year for Fresh Blood…
There’s only like 5 of them that are actually good. Look forward to reading your review.
There are 4 that are literally “Broad City but with none of the wit, fun or charm” and 2 that are based on sketches SNL did in the 80s that wasn’t funny there, nor are they funny now.

Hard to disagree with that.

Anyway, for one last time, here’s what we think about Fresh Blood 2017.

True Murder

This authentic-looking parody of a Making A Murderer-style true crime show is a bit of a slow burn. The problem is that most of the comedy comes from running gags, and it takes most of episode 1 for those to be set up. But stick with it, and it’s a pretty funny show. Also, look out for cameos from Adam Richard and Anne Edmonds.

The Angus Project

This isn’t bad either. Angus, a disabled university student who likes to party, convinces friend Erika to be his new carer. Erika’s an unlikely support worker, but she’s right for Angus. Together, they drink, smoke bongs, party, cheat on essays and mess around. It’s kind of a more wild version of Emma and Daniel in Rosehaven – and a similar sense of humour. This is one of four Fresh Blood projects to be awarded $75,000 to make a 30-minute pilot. It could work.

Unsynced

The plot of Unsynced is a little bit Chris Lilley, in that it’s highly unlikely: a champion ladies synchronised swimming duo turns out to be a man and woman who are husband and wife. When they’re uncovered, he has a total breakdown and she has to try and make it better. In case you’re wondering, this is about as funny as a Chris Lilley show. Here, for new readers, is what we think of him.

Woes

Two guys in their early 20 years pissfarting around is a well-established concept on which to hang some comedy, except protagonists, Rolly and Kai are so utterly unlikable that only someone who’s forcing themselves to watch this (hi!) is going to finish it. We hated this as much as Why Are You Like This, but at least it didn’t get $75,000 to make a pilot.

The Lost Tapes

Fake old footage from different eras can often be funny. Not here, though. While The Lost Tapes looks quite realistic, it often becomes so ridiculous that it stops being realistic…which means it stops being funny. We’re pretty sure, for example, that any real instructional video about microwaves from the 80s wouldn’t include footage of the presenter becoming ill from using the product.

Too Pretty To Be Witty

This consists of three woke sketches about women and their place in the world. The sketches are good and the group who made them shows some promise, which is presumably why they didn’t get $75,000 to make a pilot.

Leftovers Presents Sloppy Seconds

See our comments about Woes, except this is a show featuring two women.

Koala Man

If you set a Batman film in the Australian suburbs, with a local hero solving local problems, you’d have Koala Man. Can’t plug your Bluray into your TV? Koala Man to the rescue! It’s easy to see this working as a 30-minute sitcom, so we’re okay with it getting $75,000 to make one.

Ibis Queen

The Ibis Queen is a glamorous ship sailing the high seas and keeping its passengers entertained with a poolside floorshow featuring dolphins. Except the dolphins are kept in cruel conditions and some greenies have infiltrated the ship to save them. As plots go, there’s a fair bit going on here, and this might work better if the episodes were longer.

Bin Chickens

Some ibis’ hang out at Darling Harbour, fishing stuff out of bins and talking rubbish. Again, this might work better if the episodes were longer. Then again, it might not.

Collective Noun ABC Millenials

A group of millennials re-make some popular ABC shows – Australian Story, The Book Club and Media Watch – to appeal to a young audience. So, Australian Story tells the harrowing tale of a uni student who has to get up early and go to lectures, while on The Facebook Club the panel review the latest memes, and on Social Media Watch the host shows us what really goes into making an Instagram post. Cuh! Those millennials, they’re just so self-indulgent and focused on social media… Based on this, they also don’t know how to be funny.

Please never make us watch most of these shows again!