Australian Tumbleweeds

Australia's most opinionated blog about comedy.

And the nominations are…

The nominations have been counted, and the top three in each category have made it to the final round of voting. So what now?

How to Vote
Please select one choice in each category (or vote only in the categories you wish to vote in), then either post your choices as a comment on this post or e-mail them to australiantumbleweeds@yahoo.com.au. Don’t forget to include your comments on whoever or whatever you’ve chosen in each category, but please be aware that we may publish these when we release the results. Voting closes at 11.59pm EST on 31st December 2009. The results will be released on or about Australia Day 2010.

WORST NEWCOMER
The Handsomity Institute (creators of Beached Az)
The cast of Hungry Beast
Josh Thomas (Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation)

WORST NEW COMEDY
Beached Az
Double Take
Hungry Beast

WORST ACTOR
Paul Hogan (Charlie & Boots)
Dan Ilic (Hungry Beast)
Sam Simmons (Urban Monkey)

WORST ACTRESS
Emily Rose Brennan (:30 Seconds)
Veronica Milsom (Hungry Beast)
Caroline Reid (Pam Ann Show)

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PERSONALITY
Wil Anderson (The Gruen Transfer)
Dave Hughes (The 7PM Project)
Daryl Somers (Hey Hey It’s Saturday – The Reunion)

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMME
Good News Week
Hey Hey It’s Saturday – The Reunion
Hungry Beast

WORST SITCOM
:30 Seconds
Beached Az
Chandon Pictures

WORST STAND-UP
Wil Anderson
Dave Hughes
Sam Simmons

WORST GAME OR PANEL SHOW
Good News Week
The Gruen Transfer
The 7PM Project

WORST FILM
Charlie & Boots
Going Down Under
Guru Wayne

WORST SKETCH SHOW
Double Take
Hungry Beast
The Urban Monkey with Murray Foote

WORST OVERALL COMEDY
Double Take
Good News Week
Hey Hey It’s Saturday – The Reunion

WORST OVERALL CHANNEL / NETWORK FOR COMEDY
Nine
Seven
Triple M

WORST RADIO COMEDY
Hughesy & Kate (Nova 100 Melbourne)
Kyle & Jackie O (2Day FM)
Sam Simmons (Triple J)

WORST RADIO PERSONALITY
Scott Dooley (Triple J Drive)
Kyle Sandilands (2Day FM Breakfast)
Matt Tilley (Fox FM Breakfast)

WORST PODCAST OR CD
Hughesy & Kate (Podcast)
Robbie, Marieke & The Doctor (Podcast)
Matt Tilley’s Gotcha Calls: The Final Call (CD)

WORST BOOK OR ITEM OF SPIN-OFF MERCHANDISE
The Chaser Annual 2009: The E-mail Eunuch
Don’t You Know Who I Used to Be? by Julia Morris
Friendly Fire by Wil Anderson

WORST DVD
Dave Hughes is Handy (Dave Hughes)
Make Deadshits History (Heath Franklin’s Chopper)
Wilosophy (Wil Anderson)

MOST USELESS PANEL / TALKSHOW GUEST
Amanda Keller (Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation)
Ruby Rose (The 7PM Project/Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation)
Josh Thomas (Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation)

THE ROBERT FIDGEON MEMORIAL AWARD FOR WORST CRITIC
Marieke Hardy
Gerard and Mark Henderson for their attacks on “left wing comedy” (i.e. The Chaser and Clarke & Dawe)
Neil Mitchell for his attack on Shaun Micallef

MOST OVER-RATED COMEDY
The Chaser’s War on Everything
Spicks & Specks
Talkin’ ‘Bout Your Generation

MOST UNNECESSARILY OVER-EXPOSED COMEDIAN
Dave Hughes
Charlie Pickering
Josh Thomas

LEAST HOPED-FOR RETURN
The Chaser’s War On Everything
Hey Hey It’s Saturday/Daryl Somers
Thank God You’re Here

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDY
Hungry Beast
The Jesters
TV Burp

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDIAN(S)
The Chaser team
Rove McManus
Charlie Pickering

THE ‘PISSING ON THEIR LEGACY’ AWARD
Hey Hey It’s Saturday/Daryl Somers
Paul Hogan
Working Dog

MOST IRRITATING OR POINTLESS CAMEO
Tony Martin in anything which isn’t his own show (because c’mon – he deserves his own show more than anyone currently with a show)
Sitcom writer/producers awkwardly shoe-horning their comedy mates into guest roles (e.g. Peter Moon’s mates in Whatever Happened To That Guy and Robin Butler and Wayne Hope’s mates in The Librarians)
Steve Vizard in The Jesters

MOST HYSTERICAL TABLOID HATE CAMPAIGN
The Chaser’s “Make A Realistic Wish Foundation” sketch scandal
The Double Take school bullying sketch beat-up
Herald Sun vs John Safran’s Race Relations

THE ‘TRIPLE M RE-ALLOCATING RESOURCES’ MEMORIAL AWARD FOR BIGGEST MANAGERIAL COCK-UP
The ABC’s cowardice over The Chaser’s “Make A Realistic Wish Foundation” sketch scandal
Nine bringing back Hey Hey
Seven giving Double Take precedence over TV Burp

MOST BLATANT PLAGIARISM
:30 Seconds of The Gruen Transfer
The Chaser of many, many things
Hungry Beast of Media Watch, “yoof TV” and UK critic Charlie Brooker

THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR CRAP COMEDY
John Blackman
Andrew Denton
Daryl Somers

BEST NEW COMEDY
Dave in the Life
Lawrence Leung’s Choose Your Own Adventure
John Safran’s Race Relations

BEST COMEDY
A Nest Of Occcasionals by Tony Martin
Clarke & Dawe on The 7.30 Report
His Generation by Shaun Micallef

Shameful Joy

Just a quick reminder that there’s only a week or so to go until nominations close for this year’s Aussie Tumblies.  So what, you might be thinking. After all, there’s only so much crap comedy to go around – surely the shows you know and loathe will turn up somewhere on the ballot for you to vent your spleen. And maybe you’re right. But consider this: Triple J’s Robbie, Marieke and The Doctor breakfast show is winding up at the end of this year. Which means this is your last chance to give it a good solid kicking.  But what if it doesn’t make it onto the ballot – because, as always, the radio category isn’t exactly short of deserving winners – and you’re left seething with bile and no-one to splash it over? What if the radio ballot is full of people – Kyle Sandilands, Hamish & Andy, Dave Hughes – who are going to be there until the friggin’ end of time itself, but because you couldn’t be arsed nominating Marieke Hardy and her Innocent Bystanders your last chance to hate on her radio career goes begging?

Okay, perhaps that’s wishful thinking. And it’s just one example out of many. But the point remains: unless you let us know who you want nominated for a Tumblie, your most loathed Aussie comedy figures might just get away scot free. Especially with the usual Xmas media shuffle pushing at least a few despised figures off into the abyss already…

Vale Rove

The Tumblie awards are ticking along nicely at the moment (which big name star from the world of community television has already been in touch to complain? We’ll never tell. No seriously, we won’t – it kinda defeats the purpose if we start name dropping. So insiders and fellow diners, your secrets are safe with us), but we figured we should take time out from putting the nominations together to salute the departure from our television screens of one of the funniest men currently working in Australian television: Ryan Shelton.

Yeah, okay, so he only had a tiny and occasional segment on Rove. What else were you watching that show for (well, maybe Judith Lucy)? Not PeteSpace, unless you don’t own a radio and so need to get your breakfast-radio quips from elsewhere.  And even then Helliar’s track record on actual radio might have been a clue that you weren’t getting A-grade material there. As for Hughsie Loses It… well, they’re not making enough shoes to throw at the television for that segment, long may it rot.

Rove‘s been getting a bit of praise at the moment (even here a few weeks back) for being a great showcase for Australian comedy. Which is true. Unfortunately, the up-down ratings hinted that neither the viewers at home nor the programmers at Ten (that wildly swinging timeslot sure didn’t help any) wanted to see a great showcase for Australian comedy that featured regular segements from Peter Helliar, the inane Kevin Rudd PM and a bunch of news desk gags that must have been there solely to make Ten’s regular news look good.

Beyond the regular stinkers, most of the Australian comedy Rove was showcasing was bog-standard stand-up material (even if the performer was sitting down at the time). Again, if you’re Judith Lucy this is a good thing, and thumbs up to Rove for giving her a regular slot. But otherwise… well, if you want dull chat and laboured gags you can get that five times a week with The 7pm Project. A view clearly at least someone at Ten also shared if one rumour is true.

[sidebar: for those hoping that Rove‘s demise opens the door for Shaun Micallef to return with a tonight show, the odds don’t look good. Rove was kept on air to some extent to provide a one-stop shop for publicists to place their touring musicians and movie stars. Now that Ten has The 7pm Project – a show they seem to be insanely committed to, what with it going to an hour over summer – they have just such a venue in a much more important timeslot. That’s not to say Micallef won’t get a tonight show – you’d have to think Ten would give him anything he wanted at the moment – but they don’t have to give him one. And television networks rarely do anything they don’t have to.]

So pretty much the only thing on Rove you couldn’t get from bad commercial radio was Shelton’s segment. That’s because Shelton realised he was actually on television and played around with the medium a little instead of just reeling off news gags. The quality and frequency of his segments might have dipped a little in 2009, no doubt due to his radio gig (Shelton’s partner Jess Harris stepped into the breach on Rove, with some solid Shelton-esque segments of her own), but his monthly appearances on Rove remained both the highlight of whichever episode he was on and great comedy in general. Something that can’t be said for ABC2’s various well-meaning but barely competent efforts in this area (Beached Az? The Urban Monkey? Please).

And that’s why Rove – the show, not the man ’cause he’ll be back sooner than we’d like – will be missed.  Because whatever replaces it on Australian television – two words: DARYL FUCKING SOMERS – will almost certainly not give airtime to an (initially) unknown so her or she can mess around with a camera crew for four minutes every week or two. And that’s the kind of thing a real “showcase for Australian comedy” has to do if we’re ever going to get anything more than yet another joke about Britney Spears.

The Australian Tumbleweed Awards 2009 – and the categories are…

WORST NEWCOMER

WORST NEW COMEDY

WORST ACTOR

WORST ACTRESS

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PERSONALITY

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMME

WORST SITCOM

WORST STAND-UP

WORST GAME OR PANEL SHOW

WORST FILM

WORST SKETCH SHOW

WORST OVERALL COMEDY

WORST OVERALL CHANNEL / NETWORK FOR COMEDY

WORST RADIO COMEDY

WORST RADIO PERSONALITY

WORST PODCAST OR CD

WORST BOOK OR ITEM OF SPIN-OFF MERCHANDISE

WORST DVD

MOST USELESS PANEL / TALKSHOW GUEST

THE ROBERT FIDGEON MEMORIAL AWARD FOR WORST CRITIC

MOST OVER-RATED COMEDY

MOST UNNECESSARILY OVER-EXPOSED COMEDIAN(S)

LEAST HOPED-FOR RETURN

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDY

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDIAN

THE ‘PISSING ON THEIR LEGACY’ AWARD

MOST IRRITATING OR POINTLESS CAMEO

MOST HYSTERICAL TABLOID HATE CAMPAIGN

THE ‘MMM RE-ALLOCATING RESOURCES’ MEMORIAL AWARD FOR BIGGEST MANAGERIAL COCK-UP

MOST BLATANT PLAGIARISM

THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR CRAP COMEDY

BEST NEW COMEDY

BEST COMEDY

Not sure you can remember all the awful comedy (and the occasional decent one) released in 2009?  Don’t worry, we’ve done the remembering for you (though if you think of anything we missed, please let us know):

Television:

*Laurence Leung’s Choose Your Own Adventure

*The Chaser’s War on Everything series 3

*Thank God You’re Here series 4

*Beached Az

*The Urban Monkey with Murray Foote

*The Librarians series 2

*Dave in the Life

*Spicks & Specks

*AD/bc

*The Squiz

*Good News Week

*TV Burp

*Double Take

*Hamish & Andy Specials

*Rove

*The 7pm Project

*John Safran’s Race Relations

*The Gruen Transfer

*:30 Seconds

*The Jesters

*Whatever Happened To That Guy?

*The Merrick & Rosso Show series 2

*Hey Hey it’s Saturday Reunion Specials

*Takin’ ‘bout Your Generation

*Raw comedy final

*Ten’s Comedy Festival gala

*jTV

*The Pam Ann Show

*Chandon Pictures series 2

*Thank God You’re Here series 4

*Clarke & Dawe

Radio:

*The Hot Breakfast (Eddie McGuire, Tony Moclair, etc) (MMM)

*Pete and Myf (MMM)

*Hamish & Andy (Fox/Austereo)

*Ryan, Monty & Whippa (Nova)

*Hughsie & Kate (Nova)

*Tom Gleeson & Bridget Dulcos (Mix 101.1)

*Kyle & Jackie O (2Day FM)

*Sam Simmons (JJJ)

*Scott “dools” Dooley (JJJ drive)

*Robbie, Marieke & The Doctor (JJJ breakfast)

*The Matt & Jo Show (Fox)

*The Life with Roy & HG (MMM)

*Lime Champions (RRR)

*Two Tones (RRR/ABC Melbourne)

*Thank God It’s Friday (ABC Sydney)

*Dylan & Cal (Nova)

*Dicko, Dave & Chrissie (Vega Melbourne)

*Rabbit, Amber & Cosi (SA-FM)

Movies:

*Stone Bros.

*Charlie & Boots

*Guru Wayne

*Going Down Under (AKA Meat Pie)

Books:

*A Nest Of Occasionals by Tony Martin

*Friendly Fire by Wil Anderson

*Handling Edna by Barry Humphries

*Warwick Todd: Up in the Block Hole by Tom Gleisner

*Free to a Good Home by Catherine Deveny (not out until 01/12/09)

*Marieke Hardy’s m-book.

*Serious Frolic: Essays on Australian Humour edited by Fran De Groen and Peter Fitzpatrick

*Don’t You Know Who I Used To Be by Julia Morris

*Kochie’s Bumper Joke Book

*The Night My Bum Dropped by Gretel Kileen

*The Chaser 2009 Annual: The Email Eunuch

CDs:

*My Generation (Shaun Micallef)

*Justin Hazelwood’s latest one

*Matt Tilley’s Gotcha Calls: The Final Call

*Rabbit’s Fluffy Tales – The Gotcha Calls

DVDs

(covering stand-up, releases of pre-2009 material, and – in The Chaser’s case – DVDs with a massive surplus of deleted material)

*Chopper – Make Deadshits History (Heath Franklin)

*Wilosophy (Wil Anderson)

*Dave Hughes Is Handy

*Tim Minchin: Ready For This?

*The Chaser’s War on Everything – Series 3

*Clarke & Dawe – The Full Catastrophe

*Graham Kennedy’s Coast to Coast

*The Games – series 2

All angried up and want to nominate your least liked shows and personalities? Glad to hear it – we’ll be taking your nominations for the next week or two (we’ll let you know when the end is near), and then we’ll announce the final nominations for you to vote on.

Some thinking music

Things have slowed down a little around here of late, as we work behind the scenes to push the lumbering cart that is The Australian Tumbleweed Awards 2009 into position. Sadly, that means no in-depth analysis on why roughly a tenth of Hungry Beast‘s running time is taken up with fancy promos for a show we already seem to be watching. But, you know, that three disc collection of Clarke & Dawe’s interviews on The 7.30 Report is out from tomorrow (in ABC shops only, at least for a while), and Shaun Micallef’s comedy CD My Generation hits the stores next week, so you can assume we’d be saying good things about both of those projects if we had the time.

And if you’re more a fan of the snark, series three of The Chaser’s War on Everything is out on DVD around now as well, and is also worth a look – mostly because it has a massive amount of deleted scenes (but not the “Make a Realistic Wish Foundation” sketch – supposedly the ABC won’t let them show it ever again, and interested viewers are directed to YouTube by The Chaser) due to two episodes being dumped to punish them for annoying Herald-Sun readers and talkback radio listeners who think everything they see on TV actually happened. Presumably the other eight episodes went to air to punish the dwindling number of viewers with fond memories of how fast-paced and funny CNNNN was.

There hasn’t been time for a serious wade through the extras just yet – putting the Tumblies together, remember? – but on a quick glance there’s never been a better time to deploy the phrase “running out of puff”. And if you’re a fan of comedy commentaries that sound like they were put together by a team of young businessmen, this is the must-purchase DVD of, well, however long it is until Wil Anderson’s Wilosophy comes out.

Australian Tumbleweeds 2009: Category nominations

Each year we ask for your input on the categories for the next Australian Tumbleweeds. Below is the list of last year’s categories. Tell us what you think should stay, go or be added. You can leave your comments or suggestions until 6th November 2009.

LAST YEAR’S CATEGORIES

WORST NEWCOMER

WORST NEW COMEDY

WORST ACTOR

WORST ACTRESS

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PERSONALITY

WORST ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMME

WORST SITCOM

WORST STAND-UP

WORST GAME OR PANEL SHOW

WORST FILM

WORST SKETCH SHOW

WORST OVERALL COMEDY

WORST OVERALL CHANNEL / NETWORK FOR COMEDY

WORST RADIO COMEDY

WORST RADIO PERSONALITY

WORST PODCAST OR CD

WORST BOOK OR ITEM OF SPIN-OFF MERCHANDISE

WORST DVD

WORST EXPORT

MOST USELESS PANEL / TALKSHOW GUEST

THE ROBERT FIDGEON MEMORIAL AWARD FOR WORST CRITIC

MOST OVER-RATED COMEDY

MOST UNNECESSARILY OVER-EXPOSED COMEDIAN(S)

LEAST HOPED-FOR RETURN

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDY

MOST DISAPPOINTING COMEDIAN

THE ‘PISSING ON THEIR LEGACY’ AWARD

MOST IRRITATING OR POINTLESS CAMEO

MOST BLATANT PLAGIARISM

THE ‘MORE EFFORT INTO THEIR HAIRSTYLES THAN THEIR COMEDY’ AWARD

THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR CRAP COMEDY

BEST NEW COMEDY

BEST COMEDY

Why We Fight

With a call for nominations for the 2009 Australian Tumbleweed Awards set to go out any day now – remember, Daryl Somers can’t win every award – it’s probably a good time as any to explain exactly why we bother putting together an awards designed almost entirely to slag off bad television. “If you don’t like it, don’t watch it,” the cry goes out from far and near, completely missing the point as per usual. So let’s spell it out:

We like Australian comedy.  We also like comedy from other countries and a whole lot of things that aren’t comedy at all, but as far as this blog is concerned, we really like Australian comedy. And guess what? We’d like to see more good Australian comedy out there. Not only that, but we think that there are a lot of people who are actually pretty good at making good Australian comedy who – given the chance – would be out there making more of it for us to enjoy. But it’s those three little words – “given the chance” – that are the rub.

You see, despite what a lot of “if you don’t like it, don’t watch it” types would have you believe, television is not a rising tide that lifts all boats equally. If you don’t watch a bad Australian comedy show, it doesn’t go away to be replaced by a good one: Australian comedy as a whole goes away. You don’t even have to think back that far to know it’s true – check the TV listings for 2005 – and for those that claim “yeah, well, it goes in cycles”, you’re wrong. Or at least, you’re wrong if you think those cycles exist outside of the quality of the shows made in this country, because Australian television is simply too small to keep open dedicated slots for Australian comedy. If we get a run of shitty Australian comedy shows – as we did in the early 2000’s – then after that we get no Australian comedy at all. Until Chris Lilley comes along, which is saying the same thing.

“But that’s not happening now,” we occasionally hear. “At the moment, Australian comedy is looking pretty healthy.  When good shows are on, why are you focusing mostly on the bad?” And our answer is always the same: because Australian television is a zero-sum game. There is only so much viewing time to go around – if Nine is showing a repeat of CSI on Tuesdays at 9.30pm, they can’t also be showing a variety show hosted by Wil Anderson at the same time (thank God). They can’t be showing it on Go! Either, because there’s a Seinfeld repeat on (and aren’t we all grateful for that).

Let’s say it again: if the networks are showing shit Aussie comedy that doesn’t rate and they axe it, they don’t replace it with another Aussie comedy – they go with something else that’ll rate better. Which means that it’s in everyone’s best interests for them to, on the rare occasions when they decide to put on an Aussie comedy, put on one that’s actually good.

Remember Double Take? Its’ failure has pretty much killed the idea of a sketch comedy show screening on a commercial network in this country into the foreseeable future. We can’t blame people for not watching it, because it was crap. But we can blame Seven for putting together a show featuring proven losers, and we can blame those proven losers for not being funny enough to deserve the chance they were given because honestly – anyone who’s watched any TV comedy made in this country over the last few years could have come up with a better line-up for a commercial sketch show than the one featured on Double Take.

There’s just that much talent out there that doesn’t get a shot – and now won’t, because Double Take closed that door and welded it shut behind them. That’s part of why we hate: in the hope that, by recognising past failures, those same mistakes won’t be repeated in the future.

“But who cares about what the commercial networks do,” we sometimes hear, “the ABC is the natural home of Australian comedy and they keep on giving new guys a shot.” Really? Which new guys would this be? This year the only new guy getting a shot was Chaser writer Laurence Leung, and that was in part because The Chaser was doing a shorter run. Otherwise it’s been Andrew Denton (Hungry Beast, The Gruen Transfer, also starring ABC fave Wil Anderson), Gristmill (The Librarians), John Safran (Race Relations), The Chaser (The Chaser’s War on Everything) and Spicks & Specks. And next year (maybe), Chris Lilley. Again.

To be fair, some of those shows were / are very funny. But no-one on that list is on their first or even second go on television. And when the commercial networks stop being interested in Australian comedy because they’ve put on crap that doesn’t rate, the talent that gets a start at the ABC has nowhere to go and so sticks around. And that’s another part of why we hate: when there’s no natural progression in the system, it’s even more important to recognise the dead wood and urge for its removal. Surely Wil Anderson’s time must be about up?

“But it’s not as if anyone with any power cares about what you have to say” we hear once in a while. And they’re right (though we have had the occasional message from Tumblie winners, so someone’s reading it). But sometimes it just feels really, really good to slag off the crap that everyone else is praising to the heavens. And with Daryl Somers coming back in 2010, we’re going to need all the practice we can get.

So easy: RIP Don Lane

A couple of years ago I spotted five of those Golden Channel Nine Comedy DVDs going cheap – Golden TV Week Logie Moments, Channel Nine Salutes Bert Newton, Graham Kennedy: The King of Television, The Best of the Paul Hogan Show and The Best of the Don Lane Show – and snapped them up. The latter was a particular bargain at $3, but unlike the other discs, which I watched quickly, The Best of the Don Lane Show sat on my coffee table for months and months, unplayed. Maybe it’s because to my generation Don Lane was a guy who’d clearly been famous once, but for what we weren’t sure. His appearance on The Late Show was fun, and he presented American football on the ABC and turned up in the odd special, but that was it: he was just some old has-been in embarrassing trousers. So why am I about to launch into a heartfelt tribute to the Lanky Yank? Because, to paraphrase his theme song, he made it so easy.

If there’s one thing about Don Lane that came across on that Best of… DVD it was the ease with which he entertained. His relaxed, smooth style enabled him to present live TV, interview guests, perform song and dance numbers, chat to the audience, do stand-up comedy, and plenty of other things besides – the last ever Don Lane Show (an extra on the DVD) saw him juggle a ball, do a routine with his labrador Shadow and conduct an interview with last-minute surprise guest David Bowie, whom he’d never met. Plenty of people have done some, all or more of these things, but few have been as cool – and as skilled – as Don Lane.

Lane was an old-school, all-round entertainer who’d honed his skills through more than a decade on the tough US club circuit, and several years presenting The Tonight Show in Sydney. He could crack wise and cope when things went wrong, charm a difficult guest or put a nervous member of the public at ease. In many of the tributes to Lane over the past couple of days, his friends and fellow stars have noted that he was a generous performer, not caring who got the laugh, as long as someone did. A well-known example is the famous footage of a live link-up between Lane’s Tonight Show and Graham Kennedy’s In Melbourne Tonight. During a song Kennedy held up a sign saying “GO HOME YANK”, causing Lane – and everyone else – to convulse with laughter.

What makes Lane interesting in this day and age is that his style of performance bore all the hallmarks of an era now passed, and key to it was experience and good judgement. Sure, Lane mucked around when he could, and the barrel segments with Bert Newton were almost unprofessionally shambolic, but he knew the craft he loved so well that he could get away with breaking the rules. There’s a received wisdom that a host, particularly one who’s the highest-paid entertainer in the country (as Lane was at one time), is as much a star as anyone they have on their show. But when Robin Williams came onto the Don Lane Show for his first ever chat show appearance, wearing roller skates and bursting into the surreal improv he became known for, Lane sat back and enjoyed it, even walking off set to give Williams the spotlight when he started to roll about the place and play with the props.

Deflecting attention away from himself and onto the guest was something Lane did during many of the interviews on his show. By leaning over the arm of his chair and looking into his guest’s eyes, Lane could create the atmosphere of a relaxed, intimate chat – not easy in a large, hot, over-lit studio. In this way Lane soothed many a nervous, unhappy or intoxicated guest – and with his encyclopaedic knowledge of sport and show business, and ability to crack sharp gags, Lane could make it funny and interesting too. It’s a tribute to his skill and likeability that big overseas stars of the period, such as Sammy Davis Jr, Liza Minnelli and Phyllis Diller, became friends with Lane, appearing on his show time and time again.

But Don Lane wasn’t just talented, funny and easy going, he was classy and charming. He had a notorious eye for the ladies and a fast-paced lifestyle, but never came across as a sleaze, despite the many times Bert Newton referenced glass coffee tables (although what of the several possible things Lane is supposed to have done with one has never been made clear). Sure, Lane got riled-up occasionally, punching Ernie Sigley at the Logies one year (which alone is a reason to like him), and famously telling skeptic James Randi to “piss off” when Randi de-bunked many of the psychics and supernatural proponents Lane’s show had featured, but during a 1994 reunion special (also on the Best of… DVD), Lane recanted, even showing how right James Randi had been about Uri Geller.

The Best of the Don Lane Show is now one of my favourite DVDs, and one of the few I’ve watched numerous times and shown parts of to friends (a group of British TV enthusiasts and sceptics not only loved the James Randi sequence but were fascinated by the bizarre satellite cross to London in the final Don Lane Show, where British TV presenter Angela Rippon hosts a party in Don’s honour at which Billy Connolly and Pamela Stephenson, Chas and Dave, Noel Edmonds [before he became Britain’s answer to Daryl Somers with the Hey Hey-like show Noel’s House Party], Bernie Winters, Cilla Black and Harry Secombe’s manager pretend to quaff champagne in Michael Caine’s restaurant on a chilly London morning). Many would dismiss The Don Lane Show for lacking edge, being indulgent, banal, embarrassing or messy, but the guest list’s impressive, the production values are high, Lane’s a fabulous host and it’s lots of fun.

As I re-watched the final Don Lane Show and the 1994 reunion special this weekend in preparation for this blog, I was struck by how differently Lane handled those difficult shows to Daryl Somers. Lane had none of the bitterness and sense of entitlement that Somers displayed when his show was axed – “this isn’t a wake, it’s a celebration”, he told the audience – and none of the desperate desire to return with his reunion special. Lane was sad and nostaligic, but forward-looking, and the reunion show featured up-and-comers Jane Kennedy, Tom Gleisner and Santo Cilauro (then making the first series of Frontline). Compare this to the role-call of acts whose best was most definitely in the past on the recent Hey Hey reunion.

Don Lane had a dignified end to his career at Channel 9 and a dignified, quiet death in a Sydney nursing home last week. When Daryl Somers finally departs the stage, will he go with such grace?

Respect my Vari-atay

Watching tonight’s episode of Rove – in which he attempted to interview 60 guests in an hour – was always going to be worth a look for comedy fans. Say what you like about Rove McManus (chances are it’s already been said by one of us) but he does seem to like the comedy. It might seem obvious, but imagine Daryl Somers trying the same thing when he comes back with his not-Hey Hey show next year. Would he have John Safran on? Sam Simmons showing off his crap drawings (bonus points to the Rove producer who had the camera cut to an unimpressed Safran during that bit, by the way)? Shaun Micallef singing “My Generation”? Three of The Chaser grabbing people out of the audience? Justin Hamilton making a joke about getting glitter in a wedding invitation? Wil Anderson wasting everyone’s time yet again? Of course not. Daryl would have a bunch of crap sportspeople, shitty musos, and members of the general public who’d grown vegetables that looked like goolies. And then Daryl would glare at the rest of the cast until they cried.

Rove might run a fairly bland talk show, but at least he seems to want it to be actually funny – he’s given Judith Lucy a regular segment, so he’s clearly ahead of the pack there. And watching his ’60 Guests’ episode was a decent reminder that there’s a hell of a lot of solid comedy talent out there who could happily appear on-camera for a few minutes every couple of weeks and get a laugh. Sure, most of the big names (The Chaser, Safran, Micallef) were there to plug stuff – and you don’t have to know the intimate working of a TV show to suspect that the 60 guests gimmick was in part a way for Rove to squeeze in all the comedians he likes who have stuff out to plug – and the rest of the featured comedians either write or have written for Rove, but so what? Nepotism doesn’t make them less funny, especially when they’re only on for a minute or two.

Rove’s been struggling in the ratings in recent weeks thanks to a crap lead-in from the flagging Australian Idol, and reportedly there’ll be less episodes in 2010 than in previous years. Which isn’t really a bad thing – Rove’s had ten years on Australian television and he’s never managed to string two good segments together – but in a year when we can expect to read countless headlines proclaiming that “VARIETY’S BACK” thanks to the return of Daryl Somers, it’d be a shame if the only variety show that features a host who actually likes comedy that goes beyond smutty roadsigns was crushed in the stampede. It could be that this time next year we’ll all be looking back fondly to a time when we thought Rove’s blandness was as gut-wrenchingly awful as variety in this country could get in the 21st century.

What Is Truth?

Reviewing Tony Martin’s second book, A Nest of Occasionals, is easy: in pretty much every way it’s just like his first. So if you’re a fan of Lolly Scramble, rejoice! All the wit and insight and solid gags you loved in Martin’s first collection of personal stories and anecdotes continues to impress here. In fact, in some ways it’s even more impressive, as the material Martin is working with isn’t quite as strong. He gets just as many laughs out of more general topics like pornography before the internet and how he discovered racism as he did out of that now-famous bus trip where everyone turned on him for suggesting they watch Spinal Tap, but it could be argued that in this book we’re watching Martin go from being a guy with a bunch of funny stories to an funny author who can make anything he turns his hand to into a story.

It’s a welcome development in a couple of ways. Firstly, considering the rubbish state of Australian comedy at the moment, writing is probably the only field where Martin can do what he wants and be reasonably assured that it’ll reach the public. Another movie is unlikely, commercial radio seems closed to him for a few years at least, ABC radio is too restrictive to bring out his best, community radio is great but where’s the cash, and television… well, guest shots on panel shows are fun but rarely give him a real chance to shine.

So if Martin decides to focus on writing in a more general way – actually, make that “when Martin decides to focus on writing” and backdate it a few months, because his highly entertaining weekly appearances at The Scrivener’s Fancy (see sidebar for the link) have been running for a few months now and they’re always worth a look. If Martin’s third book turns out to be a collection of those pieces, I doubt too many people would complain.

But having Martin move away from personal recollections to more general writing is also a good thing because personal recollections as a genre are, well, kind of lame. Martin’s books are the best of a bad bunch, but it’s hard to deny that a bad bunch is a reasonable way to describe the ever-growing ranks of quirky collections of strange things that happened to people who aren’t quite as funny as they think they are. David Sedaris, we’re looking at you. And while it’s never a good idea to hate on something that doesn’t exist yet, when it’s announced that Marieke Hardy is planning a collection of personal reminiscences it might be time to entertain the idea that it’s a field that isn’t attracting the best and brightest.

Again, let’s stress: Martin’s book is very very funny. Compared to pretty much everything book or otherwise out there labeled “comedy”, it’s streets ahead of the pack. But it’s fair to say that the pack his book is currently in is not a pack that’s packed with well-crafted hilarity (Judith Lucy’s The Lucy Family Alphabet aside). Martin himself pointed out why in a recent interview (one that, if the person responsible gives us the green light, we hope to be putting up excerpts from here): stories are funnier if the reader knows that they’re true.

I probably didn’t need to wheel in Tony Martin himself to point that out to you. “Based on a true story” is a cliché in film and television, and there’s a good reason why there’s a steady stream of literary hoaxes where true stories turn out to be fake but almost none where fake stories turn out to be true. Being a true story is an easy way to gain the heft and grounding and belief that a fiction writer has to work for: you can be as sketchy and garbled and unrealistic as you like when it’s a true story because it really happened. Story confusing? Doesn’t matter, it really happened. Characters unrealistic? Doesn’t matter, it really happened. Whole damn thing is too crazy to believe? Believe it, it really happened.

Let’s bring this back to comedy. For a lot of people out there, Australia’s Funniest Home Videos is the funniest show on television. Not because of the subtle plots, enduring characters or brilliant running jokes, mind you. It’s because funny – stupid, but passably funny – things are really happening to real people. If you made a show that was exactly the same as AFHV but was entirely staged (and most importantly of all, everyone watching knew it was staged), hey presto, not as funny.

For a lot of people, the big attraction to the pranks on The Chaser’s War on Everything was that they were really happening. Funnier things happened in other segments on that show – hell, funnier things happened during the commercial breaks on other shows – but for a very large chunk of the audience the fact that the pranks were real (despite The Chaser themselves admitting there was a certain amount of staging involved in many of their pranks involving the general public) was what made them funny.

There’s even been an echo of this around John Safran’s Race Relations. Did he really steal those women’s underwear? It shouldn’t matter on a show like his where he’s clearly doing crazy things to illustrate a more serious point, but to many of us it does. If he did it for real: hilarious and daring. If it was staged: why bother. Remember Bruno? More people were interested in how it was done than whether the end result was funny, because that simple distinction – real or fake – has a big impact on whether a lot of people find something funny. A shit joke that really happens will often get a lot more laughs than a great one that takes place on a set.

The hopefully interesting thing in all this debate is that something written down – or filmed, for that matter – can never be really “real” or “true”. What actually happened involved living, breathing people moving through space and time: what you’re giving me are black printed squiggles on a white page. No-one not studying way too hard for a film degree can be bothered wading into the many, many discussions about realism in documentaries, but it’s fair to say that even people setting out purely to record actual events with audio-visual recording devices have serious doubts that what they present to the public is in any actual sense “real”. Writing something down can’t even come close.

So the problem with relying on “truth” as a guide to what’s funny is that age old question: what is truth? To spin it a purely personal way, one of the things I took away from my reading of Lolly Scramble was that Tony Martin’s childhood was a little grim. The stories he told were funny, but the occasional detail about family dramas, school horrors or workplace bullying seemed – to me – to suggest that he’d had a bit of a rough go growing up.

But reading A Nest Of Occasionals – written by the same man telling true stories about the exact same life – it seemed to me that he’d swept that side of things a little further under the carpet. There are mentions of family feuds and the like, but in his first book his job at an army surplus store was skimmed over with the most memorable detail being some nasty-sounding abuse involving a forklift; in the second book, the same setting seems like a fun place to work, with not a hint of abuse in sight.

They’re both true stories though, so which version of his past is more real? Did I find the first book funnier because to me the laughs felt a little like someone trying to shrug off the darkness of their life (OMFG how many times is Tony going to the doctors?), or is the second book better because the tone is more consistently light and it’s easier to relax into the laughs? Could it simply be that what was surprising about Martin’s past in the first book now blurs into the background of the second?

In the end, the only thing we can be truly sure of is the words on the page. Sticking “true” on a story will only get you so far, and while for a lot of hack writers and publicity seekers that’s as far as they’re ever going to get, Martin is a writer of true skill and a boundless ability to make people laugh. The real truth in the stories he tells is that he saw a way to shape the events in them to make them funny. Truth is, whatever story he’s telling, he’s a funny guy. If you’re looking for laughs, that’s the only truth that counts.

[next week: are farts funnier when you can smell them? How important is it to the truth of the fart to fully appreciate all aspects of it? If a deaf person farts in the forest and there’s no-one to hear it, does it automatically become a Silent But Deadly?]